


Deidara's a Matchmaker!?

by ImmortalBeing



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 12:10:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14915126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImmortalBeing/pseuds/ImmortalBeing
Summary: Deidara finds out who Hidan likes and decides to meddle.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I needed more HidaSaso content so I decided to make it myself. Originally posted on my tumblr account [https://scythe-swinging.tumblr.com/]

“He’s just- the most fucking annoying bastard I know!” Hidan groaned in frustration as he flopped back against Deidara’s bed. He would be in his room on his own bed but the asshole he was currently complaining about had kicked him out. Honestly, how dare he!? So what if Hidan was ‘being too loud’ while he was trying to count? It’s his room too! 

He was pissed about getting kicked out because it was his room too and because Kakuzu’s reasoning for it was fucking stupid. So what if Hidan didn’t want to shut up? The old man was good at ignoring him any other time! 

Deidara was sitting next to Hidan and /laughing/ at his annoyance., What the fuck-! 

“What the hell is so fucking funny!?” 

“He probably thinks the same about you, un.” 

“Well- fuck both of you-!” Hidan huffed, starting to get up even though they had both been through this long enough to know that the blonde’s annoyance of Hidan was nothing like Kakuzu’s. he would claim that he didn’t annoy Deidara but he wasn’t dumb enough to think that there was a person he didn’t annoy, especially when he tried to do just that on purpose whenever he was bored. 

“Hidan-! You know what I mean!” 

“Yeah, yeah.” He stopped, now sitting facing the blonde rather than laying on his bed. “But you don’t need to fucking prove his point.” 

“I’m not, yeah. I just think its funny how you both circle around each other like that.” 

“What the fuck does that mean?” 

Deidara smiled but shrugged rather than explaining anything. He found it far too entertaining to ruin things by explaining that he _knew_. 

“Whatever.” Hidan rolled his eyes before the annoyed expression was back on his face. Now that he wasn’t distracted with being mad at Deidara he was right back to being annoyed by Kakuzu. “I don’t give a fuck how big, and muscled and fucking strong he thinks he is he can’t just kick me out of our room like that!” 

Aaaand Deidara was laughing. Again. 

“Seriously! Why do you keep fucking laughing! I’m pissed here not trying to be a Jashin damned comedian!”   

“It’s nothing, yeah-!” 

“Bullshit!” Hidan grabbed the closest possible weapon – the pillow – and held it up. “tell me or I’ll fucking suffocate you-!” He threatened. 

“Okay- okay, fine- just put down the _weapon_!” The blonde laughed at his own joke until Hidan glared at him, causing him to turn it into a cough. 

“Well?” 

“I’ll tell you if you promise to not get pissed off at me.” 

“Whatever, just fucking tell me!” 

“That sound’s pissed, un.” 

“Just fucking tell me, please.” 

“You like Kakuzu.” 

“Wha- no I don’t!” 

“Yes you do. Everyone knows. Except maybe you and him yeah?” 

“That’s bullshit! I don’t fucking like him I like-“ Eyes glanced behind Deidara for a spilt second – a telltale sign that may have been missed if it weren’t for how closely the blonde was looking at him – before he coughed and looked away. 

“No one- I don’t fucking like anyone. I’m just fucking pissed that he thinks he can take over our room like that!” 

“Like you’re doing to ours?” Asked a voice that had been quiet thus far. It seems he had been paying attention- 

“Wha-“ 

“I’ve been trying to focus for the past hour through your ranting. Why don’t you just take your room back and allow me to work?” 

“I- uh- fuck you-! Come on, Dei, let’s fucking go somewhere else.” Hidan stood up and headed towards the door, only stopped when Deidara started to talk. 

“Holy shit-“ He whispered in astonishment, looking in-between Hidan and Sasori. 

Before he could say more Hidan quickly yanked him out of the bed, and pulled him out of the room. 

He had just barely been able to admit his feelings to himself. They had spent enough time together for him to actually know the other, enough to know that Sasori hadn’t meant any harm in telling him to leave. His art was just more important to him than Hidan’s rambling and he had been at it for an hour. However, just because Hidan was able to admit to himself how he felt it didn’t mean he was ready for anyone else to know. 

Unfortunately for Hidan, Deidara was not about to let this go. “I can’t believe it, un-“ 

“Shut. Up. Just shut the fuck up. You’re not going to fucking speak a word of this to anyone. No one was supposed to know, dammit. No one.” 

“Calm down, yeah? I wasn’t going to tell him.” 

“You almost fucking did!” He took a deep breath as he realized he was starting to freak out. “Let’s- let’s just fucking go somewhere. Away from everyone else.” 

Deidara nodded and headed outside the base, already knowing a perfect secluded area that no one else seemed to know about. It was where he always came to hide from Tobi whenever that idiot was around.


	2. Chapter 2

“I still can’t believe it!” Deidara started once they reached his personal hideout of sorts. 

Hidan was looking around, acting like he was more focused on their environment rather than whatever the blonde was saying. It was pretty out there: a nice lake and trees surrounding the small field they were standing in. If anyone else were to find out about it they would want to hang out here all of the time, that much was for certain, no wonder Dei had been keeping it a secret for as long as he could. Good thing he trusted Hidan – for whatever reason. 

“We all really thought you and Kakuzu had a thing for each other, yeah!” Deidara kept talking, not even really caring if Hidan was listening or not. Luckily for him that phrase made Hidan angry enough to pay attention. It wasn’t like he was offended that everyone thought that, after all Kakuzu was a good looking man, but if he said they weren’t together than they weren’t together damn it! 

“Everyone keeps fucking saying that and we keep fucking tell you guys you’re wrong! Just because we fucked /once/ doesn’t mean we’re fucking in love or some shit-!” 

Hidan realized what he just said a moment too late as he watched Deidara’s face go from confusion to surprise- 

“Wait- you guys had sex!? When-??” 

“Fuckin’ damn it- a while ago, okay? We were both horny or some shit so we fucked but it didn’t mean anything. It was a one time thing. And don’t you dare fucking tell anyone-“ 

“Why would I /ever/ do that, Hidan?” 

“Deidara- I fucking swear to Jashin if you tell anyone-“ 

“Calm down, yeah? I’m more interested in you and Danna now.” 

“There is no me and Sasori- I fucking like him, that’s it.” 

“That’s not it! I want details!” 

“What details? We hung out a few times, I got a fucking school-girl crush on him and now we hang out without him knowing how hot I think he is. See? No details.” 

“Hiiiiidaaaaaan!” Deidara knew there had to be more to it than just that. No way did Hidan, Mr. I’m not gay, have a crush on Sasori that easily without any of them noticing. His attraction to Kakuzu was apparent to everyone after all! 

“What!?” 

“There has to be more to it than that! How’d you realize you like him? Why do you like him? What would you do if he liked you back? Would you go out with him??” 

“Holy shit- what’s up with the fucking interrogation?? I like him. Can’t we leave it at that? You’re lucky I’m even fucking telling you.” 

“And you’re lucky I don’t tell him, yeah?” 

“Don’t you fucking dare.” 

“Then tell me some details!” 

“Fine! I don’t know how it fucking happened, okay? We were just hanging out, we just fucking hang out and I realized how much I loved it and eventually realized it was because of him- Like, I like hanging out with you but with him it’s just? I don’t know-It’s just fucking different, better I guess? And I mean- I don’t fucking know why I like him he’s just- he’s hot and not as fucking annoying or stupid as everyone else here and he listens to me- sometimes, I mean sometimes I don’t fucking shut up and he tells me to shut up but if it’s important he’ll listen and we have fun when we hang out and fuck, I don’t know he’s just? Great??” 

“Wow, you have it really bad, don’t you?” 

“Shut the fuck up-“ 

“Does that mean you would date him if he liked you too?” He asked, completely ignoring Hidan. He was no about to let this go anytime soon. When else would he ever get to see Hidan fawn over someone that wasn’t just his usual ‘Dude, look at her fucking tits-‘ stuff he pulled at bars? 

“Yeah- I mean, why not? But he doesn’t fucking like me. We’re just friends.” 

“You like him.” 

“And?” 

“You’re still his friend. He could like you back, yeah!” 

“I’m not gong to fucking ask him out, Dei.” 

“Of course not, he’s gonna ask you out.” 

“Why the hell would he do that?” 

“Because I have a plan, un.” 

“Hell no- I’m not letting you fucking meddle in this. We are fine with how things are thank you very much.” 

“But Hida-“ 

“No! It’s bad enough that someone knows about it I don’t fucking need you to fuck with things on top of that!” 

Deidara pouted but still agreed. It wasn’t like he had to tell the truth to Hidan after all. It didn’t matter what the Jashinist said to him or threatened him with, Dei was determined to at least try to get those two together. After seeing how clearly smitten Hidan was how could Deidara not meddle? Of course, with Hidan not being a part of his plan things would get a bit trickier but he did know of someone that would be willing to help, even if he was a complete idiot. As long as he didn’t tell Tobi any details then he shouldn’t be able to mess things up that badly.


	3. Chapter 3

Deidara waited until the next morning, when he knew that Hidan would be sleeping in – he always slept in, hungover or not – to go find Tobi. It was rare that he tried to seek out the orange masked ninja but it wasn’t that hard to find him. After all, Tobi was just being a ‘good boy’ coloring in the living room with Zetsu. When he wasn’t bothering someone he was almost always with the plant thing. Really, it was easier to find Tobi than it was to avoid him- 

"Tobi, un.” Deidara started, not really sure how to get convince Tobi to come with him without electing suspicion from Zetsu. The less people who knew about his meddling, the lower the chance of Hidan or Sasori finding out and he had to make sure he wouldn’t be caught if he wanted this to work. 

"Senpai!” Tobi happily called back, starting to sit up despite Deidara having not told him to. Turns out getting Tobi to follow him would be easy. He wasn’t sure why he had thought differently- now he just had to figure out some sort of excuse for even talking to Tobi when he always did his best to avoid him- 

“Pein has something he needs us to do-“ He lied, figuring that pretending their leader was the reason for their interaction would sate Zetsu’s curiosity. Judging by the fact that he looked back down at his book Deidara would say he was in the clear. Good. If this got ruined because of a small slip up he would be upset, he couldn’t risk anything ruining this. If he didn’t push those to idiots together who would? 

“Okies!” Tobi happily grabbed his coloring things, putting them up like the good boy he always claimed to be, before he grabbed Deidara’s arm and practically dragged him out of the living room. 

“Tobi-! Let go, un! You don’t even know where we’re going!” He pulled his arm out of Tobi’s grasp as he yelled. This was going to be a pain and a half, he could already tell. Why had he chosen Tobi of all peple to help? 

“We’re going on a mission! Right Senpai???” Tobi excitedly asked, not at all deterred by the other’s anger. It was a normal thing and, if he was being honest with himself or anyone else, it was one of the desired effects from his antics. 

“Yes, but it’s top secret mission and you can’t let anyone know you’re on it, okay? Not even anyone here. If they ask what you’re doing tell them a lie.” 

“But Senpai- lying is bad-!” 

Right, he was asking Tobi because he was an idiot and wouldn’t question what he said. “This mission is /very/ important Tobi. You won’t be…” He couldn’t believe he was actually going to say this, to humor this child’s antics. He sighed deeply before continuing. “You won’t be a bad boy for lying-“ 

Tobi gasped, quickly getting too close to his senpai. “Tobi will still be a good boy!?” 

“Yes- if Tobi moves back then he’ll still be a good boy-“ 

Tobi did as asked, though if it was because he was asked or because he was now jumping around happily Deidara wasn’t sure. “YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYTOBI IS A GOOD BOY AND SENPAI SAID SO!!!!!!” 

“TOBI SHUT UP!” 

“Sowwie senpai-“ 

“It’s fine just don’t do it again, yeah?” 

Tobi nodded. “Yeah!” He paused briefly before continuing in a whisper. “What’s the secret mission senpai?” 

“It’s a mission so secret I can’t even tell you what it’s for- only what I need you to do next.” 

“That sound’s fun! Like playing spies!” 

“Calm down, yeah? Remember, no one can know we’re on this mission.” 

“Okies! Tobi understands!” 

“Good.” Deidara leaned towards Tobi and whispered the plan into his ear, doing his best to explain things in a way that he would understand. 

"Okies! Tobi will win the mission!” 

“Whatever- just go-“ Dei urged, wanting Tobi to just leave. Hopefully he wouldn’t screw this up- 

Tobi nodded and quickly hurried off.  
  


It didn’t take long for Tobi to find Sasori as the redhead was in the kitchen, a place he had just checked on a whim - a whim called he was planning on checking literally every single room until he found him but a whim nonetheless. 

“Sasori-san!” He called out excitedly, glad that he had found his ‘target’ so quickly. “Sasori-san!! Tobi has questions!!” 

The redhead regarded the childish man silently, wondering if there was a way he could get out of answering Tobi’s – more than likely stupid – questions. 

“Tobi won’t take long! He promises!” The masked nin claimed when he didn’t immediately get a response. 

Deciding it would probably be best just to humor him, Sasori nodded slightly. “If it gets you to leave quicker then I’ll answer.” 

“Okies! Once Tobi get’s his answers he will leave to tell se- to go play tag-!” 

Sasori stared silently at Tobi, not missing the slipup but not commenting on it either. This was Tobi after all, he knew he wouldn’t get a straight answer if he bothered to question it. 

Tobi nodded to himself, pleased that his slip up had gone unnoticed before he started to ask questions. All he had to do was find out how Sasori felt about Hidan without asking that specific question – that would blow the secret part of the mission! – this should be easy. 

“What is Hidan-san’s favorite color???” That’s something Sasori would know if he cared about him-!! 

“Green-“ Sasori answered after a pause. He was able to answer the question without needing much thought but he had been expecting stupid questions not questions about Hidan- 

“What does he like???” 

Seriously- why was Tobi of all people asking things about Hidan of all people?? “Are all of your questions about him?” 

“Yes-“ 

“Why don’t you ask him rather than waste my time?” 

“Because Hidan-san can’t know!! It’s a secret-“ 

“What is?” 

Quick- think of something-! “That’s another secret-!” Good job- he’ll never know now- 

Sasori sighed ever so lightly, giving up with finding out via asking Tobi. Perhaps his line of questioning would provide a better answer. 

“Ribs and that god of his.” 

Tobi nodded. “This is very helpful! What would, uh, someone- do to make him happy!?” 

“Pay attention to him, don’t belittle his god, give him ribs-“ Sasori listed off a few things that were quite frankly common sense to most of them, in his view at least considering Tobi didn’t seem to know that. 

“And Sasori-san is sure???” 

“It’s obvious.” 

Tobi nodded, once, as if confirming something with himself before abruptly hugging Sasori. Luckily for him he moved back just as quickly – avoiding any poison the redhead may have used to get him off. 

“Thankies!! This is all Tobi needs!” He called out as he left, rushing back to Deidara to report his findings. Sasori watched the doorway the other left through in contemplative – and slight confused – silence until the object of their conversation walked in. 

Hidan was looking towards where Tobi had run off – in the opposite direction the moment he had seen him – only looking at the room once he was all the way in. “Hey-“ He started when he realized that Sasori was in the room. “What the hell was that about-?” 

He was sure it was something stupid but with Tobi one could never be too careful. He still remembered that time Tobi had hidden Deidara’s clay in the /wall/ of all places until the blonde exploded it. Man- Kakuzu was pissed for weeks after that. And if you think an angry Kakuzu was bad imagine sharing a room with the guy- 

“I’m…not sure. He was asking me about you.” 

“Wait really? Why the fuck was he doing that? I swear to Jashin if he fucking pulls some stupid stunt I’ll kill him-“ 

“He wanted to know how to make you happy.” 

Hidan blinked in shock, stopping midsentence. “Huh-“ 

“And what things you liked.” 

“He- what- that doesn’t make any fucking sense- why is he asking that? That’s the kind of shit you ask about someone you fucking like or some shit-“ 

“It is.” 

“Yeah, so why is he- oh, fuck no- I swear to Jashin if he- I’ll fucking kill him-“ 

“It’s only a possibility, Hidan.” 

“It shouldn’t even be a fucking choice-! Tobi is- I’m- just _no_. I’m gonna go fucking talk some sense into him right now-“ And with that, he turned out of the room, hunger forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm leaving on a vacation on wednesday so chapter 4 may be late. I'll try to write some but I'm going to be more focused on enjoying myself as well the people around me.


	4. Chapter 4

Tobi, having left first and being fueled by his seemingly bottomless pit of energy, got to Deidara before Hidan got to him. If he had been paying any attention he would have heard the silver haired man yelling after him but he was far too excited about his successful mission to focus on anything else. 

“Senpai! Senpai!!! Tobi did it-!” He yelled as he approached, completely forgetting the secret part of the mission. 

If Deidara hadn’t been the one to recruit Tobi into helping him he would have hid away the moment he saw him coming. Knowing why Tobi was rushing towards him, however, didn’t stop the sigh that rushed past his lips. He really wished there was someone else that would be able to help him- 

“Okay, okay! Calm down, yeah!?” He paused as he noticed the Jashinist stomping his way over to them, switching his voice to and angry tone. “Why is Hidan coming this way- Tobi-“ 

Tobi turned around in surprise just as Hidan reached them. “Uh-“ 

“What the fucking hell!? It better not be true-!” 

“Tobi is a good boy!” He yelled before going to hide behind his senpai. Hopefully the blond could protect him from Hidan’s wrath. 

“Bullshit-“ 

“What are you yelling about, un?” 

“Sasori told me this dipshit was asking questions about me like he had a fucking crush on me or some shit-“ 

Hidan got interrupted by Deidara’s uncontrollable laughter. He had thought they were busted but no, _that’s_ what Hidan thought? That was priceless. 

Meanwhile Tobi has his head tilted slightly in confusion. Why did Hidan think that? He was just on a mission to find out what Sasori thought about Hidan. He didn’t like him- 

“What the hell’s so fucking funny!?” 

“You think-“ He paused, laughing more before he was able to calm down. “Tobi doesn’t have a crush on you. If anything he has one on me, yeah?” As much as he hated saying that out loud he was certain that the childish male had a crush on him, based on his actions alone. 

“No-“ Tobi said quietly, not really caring if they thought he liked Deidara like that but not really wanting everyone to think that either. 

“Wait- really?” Deidara looked back at Tobi in shock, more surprised that he was wrong than upset that Tobi didn’t like him like that. 

“Then who the fuck do you like-?” 

“No one-!” Tobi said a little too quickly to be the truth. It didn’t matter who he liked and it certainly wasn’t any of their business. 

“Whatever, as long as you don’t fucking like me then I don’t give a shit.” 

Good. If no one knows who he likes or liked then there wouldn’t be a problem- 

“Tobi.” 

“Yes, senpai??” 

“Why don’t you go play or something? I’ll find you later, yeah?” 

“Okies!!” Tobi said before rushing off back to the living room. He had never finished his picture, after all. 

“What the hell was that about?” 

“Huh-?” 

“You’re gonna find Tobi later? Don’t you try to avoid that dumbass?” 

“Yeah but we’re going to figure out who he likes.” 

“Why the hell does that mat- wait, /we/? Why the fuck would I help? I got shit to do-“ 

“Because, uh, it’ll prove he doesn’t like you, yeah?” 

Despite the questioning tone in Deidara’s voice Hidan still took that as being a very good reason. It technically didn’t change anything if the idiot did like him except the fact that he was likely to be ten times more annoying if he was trying to express any kind of affection towards Hidan. 

Before he could agree, however, Deidara continued. 

“Aaand you’ll get to go on a date with Sasori without it being a date.” 

“…how the hell would that happen?” 

“We’re gonna go on a double date, un. It’ll be me, you, Sasori and Tobi and we’re gonna get that information out of him if it’s the last thing we do.” 

“Sasori’s not gonna just fucking agree to this.” 

“He doesn’t _have_ to know what the dinner’s about, yeah.” 

“So, you want me to fucking ask him on a notdate without telling it’s a notdate and expect him to not think it’s a date? What kind of dumbass plan is that?” 

“Hey, it’s a great plan! Would be better if we had explosives but the danna would end up leaving….hmmm-“ 

“No- don’t fucking blow us up during you stupid pretend dinner date. I’ll fucking figure something out I guess. This better fucking be worth it-" 

“It will, yeah!” 

“Whatever- I guess I’ll go fucking ask Sasori if he wants dinner uh- when?” 

“Tomorrow night!” 

“Okay, sure, I’ll fucking do that then- seriously don’t fucking blow anything up- you’re not ruining my first notdate with Sasori.” 

“I won’t, un! Now hurry up and go ask- I gotta figure out how to get the dumbass to agree to this.” 

“Shouldn’t be too fucking hard. Even if he says he doesn’t like you like that the fucker still loves you.” 

“Eh- don’t remind me, yeah?” 

“Yeah, whatever. See ya later Dei.” He said as he walked away, not even bothering to give Deidara time to reply. 

Despite having said he was going to ask Sasori out on the none date he went to his room instead. He had until tomorrow night to figure out how to convince Sasori to go with him on this thing. He highly doubted the redhead would care about who Tobi liked so it would be pretty much pointless- 

Fuck, this was gonna be hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y a y! Im back xD  
> My vacation was fun but now its back to work and back to writting  
> My apologizes if the content quality went down i wrote 60% of this today and 40% of it the day after i got off the plane so, uh, whoops


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The notdate is gonna be two chapters since this ended up being p long

“I still can’t believe you got him to agree to this-!” Deidara ‘whispered’ as Hidan joined him at the door, waiting for their ‘dates’ to show up. 

“You’re the one that thought he would agree, what the hell do you mean you can’t believe it?” Hidan spoke regularly, not bothering to whisper like Deidara was when he whisper was as loud as his normal voice if not louder. 

“He wouldn’t have agreed if _I_ asked him, un.” 

“What the hell does that- hey-! I told you to fucking drop that shit- he doesn’t- it’s not- that’s not why he agreed, okay!?” 

“Then why di-“ 

Suddenly - as was usual with his entrances - Tobi dashed into the room and happily latched himself to Deidara’s side, cutting him off in the process. “Senpai!! Tobi is all ready for the fancy dinner!!” 

One look at Tobi was enough to determine that he was decidedly _not_ ready for any dinner of any kind. From the looks of it he had taken so long simply trying to find a way to keep his cloak folded so that it was more of a jacket than any kind of suit. As if that would count at all. 

Of course, Hidan’s suit was the loosest button up he could find without it being too loose – he didn’t want any of that constricting shit – but it wasn’t as bad as Tobi’s outfit. Deidara couldn’t let that slide. 

“No- no, no, no, no, no- you can’t wear that-“ 

“But- but senpai! Tobi worked hard on it-!” 

“Yeah, and it fucking sucks-“ Hidan glanced at the door, noticing Sasori’s presence. “Why don’t you go fix him up, Dei?” 

Normally, the blonde would protest but they really couldn’t leave when the idiot looked like that so he simply sighed out a fine and marched Tobi away to find him something more suitable to wear. 

Hidan grinned at Sasori as the other two left, acknowledging the redhead’s presence for the first time despite having known he was there. “Heyyy-“ His voice faltered for barely a moment as he registered what the other was wearing. 

A suit. He was wearing a suit. Which, really wasn’t that much of a surprise all things considered but Hidan had told him he didn’t need to dress all the was up – he certainly hadn’t – and Deidara was wearing a suit. But it wasn’t just that. Deidara looked like Deidara- of course, Sasori looked like Sasori but- 

Sasori looked good, _hot_ even. 

Hidan had already known this to be a trait that Sasori possessed, he looked at the other enough to know that, but the suit accentuated all of the good points of the other and there were plenty of them. 

Next time Hidan was definitely going to- 

Wait. 

Sasori was saying something- 

His name-? 

Why was he-? 

Oh shit- Sasori had greeted him back and here he was staring at him like an idiot- 

“Nothing-!” Great. That was smooth. And now he certainly wasn’t nervous about this notdate and keeping his feeling in check. 

Sasori knew it wasn’t a real date. He had stammeringly explained that after asking the other to join him and the two fuckers for a fancy dinner, face going redder than the man’s hair when his seeming surprise at having been asked on a date by ‘Mr. I’m not gay’ became apparent to him- 

Aaand he was staring off into space again. Sasori’s space. He really needed to stop that. 

“Sorry-“ He forced himself back into the present, apologizing even though he was sure Sasori was more likely to complain about Deidara and Tobi taking so long than he would about his staring. “Just- fuck I don’t know. This is fucking weird.” 

“I mean- a fancy dinner with those idiots? Deidara’ll probably blow something and who knows what the fuck _Tobi_ is gonna end up doing-!” 

“And yet, I agreed to come with you.” Sasori simply stated, subtly making a jab at Hidan’s destructive tendencies. 

“Yeah, to help me fucking survi- hey! I’m not _that_ fucking bad-! Not as bad as Tobi and Deidara-! Especially when their together!” 

“And when you’re with the two of them?” 

“You’ll keep me in check-“ 

“I-“ Before Sasori could say how doubtful he was that Hidan would stop being Hidan simply because of his presence or anything he would do while near Hidan, Deidara chose that moment to reappear with a fidgeting Tobi. 

“Ooo~ Is Sasori your daddy, Hidan~?” 

“Hey-! Shut the fuck up! He’s not and you know it!” He glared at the artist, face turning red despite knowing that Dei hadn’t really meant it like that. He was, of course, saying it like that to tease and to pick on Hidan’s crush, but – as Hidan had stated – he knew it wasn’t like that. 

“How the hell did you get him in a suit?” Hidan quickly said afterwards, wanting to change the subject as soon as possible. 

“It was easy, yeah.” Deidara ‘explained’, clearly not wanting to provide any more information. 

“Senpai said Tobi would be a good boy if he wore a suit!” Tobi happily supplied, ignoring the glare that got shot his way as he said as much. 

“If you wore a suit _and_ took off your mask.” 

“Tobi is only Tobi if Tobi is wearing Tobi’s mask.” He argued, almost seriously while also sounding like an angry, pouting two year old. 

“That doesn’t even- ugh!” Deidara threw his hands up, unwilling to argue with Tobi when he knew it would only end in explosions. It was tempting but if he wanted both Sasori and Hidan to come with them to the dinner then he had to avoid explosions and conversations about art. At least, until they ordered their food. 

“What the hell-“ Hidan half snorted at Tobi’s ridiculous answer. Like Deidara had started to say: it didn’t make any sense. But since Hidan wasn’t the one talking to Tobi he found it mildly entertaining. As long as the idiot stayed focus on Deidara and vice versa the evening might be enjoyable. 

Despite that thought he looked over at Sasori as they headed out, muttering a simple ‘This is going to be a fucking adventure’ before looking forward again. 

Sasori merely nodded and hummed his agreement, wondering how quickly Tobi and Deidara – and quiet possibly Hidan – would manage to get them kicked out of the restaurant.  


  
  


Sasori regarded Hidan curiously as he pulled out his seat for him. The younger male was being extremely confusing as of late. 

Saying he wasn’t gay then jokingly flirting with him. Asking him on a date only to flush and explain that it was a fake date. Pulling out his chair only to pull out Deidara’s as well when the blonde shot them a look. 

…a knowing look. 

Did Deidara know how Sasori felt? It wouldn’t completely be a surprise if he did since the blonde was one of the few people who actively spent time with him – aside from Hidan and Itachi – but a large majority of that time was spent bickering about art (his was clearly superior and Deidara needed to learn when to admit defeat). 

Surely he hadn’t seen through him that easily? It wasn’t as if he had a bad hold on his emotions or anything. In fact, more often than not it was hard for anyone to know what was going through his head. 

There was no way Deidara knew- 

But there was that look again as Sasori easily ordered ribs for Hidan, taking over as the other had too many breadsticks shoved in his mouth to order. It wasn’t like it was a secret or anything that Hidan loved ribs. It didn’t mean anything. 

Sasori subtlety shook his head, clearing the thoughts from his mind as he resolved to talk to Deidara about this later. Vaguely- he didn’t want to tell anyone if they didn’t know. 

After all, Deidara would want him to rush into something and he couldn’t do that. If he dated anyone it was going to be something that would last. Period. It didn’t matter that he had postponed fully becoming a puppet because he liked the way the silver haired male made him feel. Joking flirts were one thing, commitment was another- 

Stop. Thinking. About. It. 

He blinked back to the present moment, almost hesitantly as he realized that Hidan and Tobi were playing some game where you stuffed your mouth with breadsticks and said…chubby bunny? 

“If Kakuzu was here he would yell at you for wasting so much food.” He noted as Hidan spit up half of the breadsticks – into a napkin thankfully although that didn’t make it any less disgusting – and Tobi somehow managed to swallow all of his, to the muttering of ‘fucking cheater.’ 

“Yeah, well he isn’t here so fuck him!” Hidan made a face at the half chewed bread, seemingly trying to figure out what he was supposed to do with it now. Sasori wasn’t surprised that he hadn’t thought that through- 

Deidara snorted just then, barely containing his laugher over? Hidan’s general anger over Kakuzu. Except that was norma- 

And Hidan just threw the bread at Deidara. They hadn’t even gotten their food yet. Not that Sasori had come here for food – Hidan was pretty instant on figure out who Tobi liked because he ‘couldn’t have that stupid fucker liking me when i lik- well- it’s fucking annoying!’ – but it still was something that he would prefer didn’t happen. 

So, he grabbed it before Deidara could throw it back – and he knew the blonde would try, with an explosion if possible – and quietly got up and threw it away. 

Then he went to the bathroom to wash his hands. There was no way he was going to eat after touching that.  


  
  


“Shit-“ Hidan muttered half to himself and half to Deidara as Sasori threw the bread-spit-ball away. “I think we pissed him off-“ 

“Sasori’s always pissed, yeah?” 

“Maybe he has to pee! He went to the little boy’s room!” Tobi added, completely unbothered by the exasperated looks the other two gave them. 

“Shut the fuck up.” 

“Hidan-san is using a potty mouth- does he have to go pee too?” He asked innocently, nudging at Deidara under the table as he continued. “Hidan-san should go potty so we can have a good dinner with good boys!” 

“Huh- oh-“ Ohhh, that was- hell, that was pretty smart of Tobi. Somehow- They could get the two of them alone to talk and maybe they would get closer and admit their feelings to each other- “Yeah, you should go to the bathroom and wash out your mouth.” 

“Wha- why the fuck are you agreeing with that idiot!? I always talk like this!” 

“But Hidan-san! This is a fancy dinner! We need to use ate a kit!” 

“….what-“ 

Deidara sighed. “He means etiquette and lets just say there’s a reason it took so long to get him in that suit.” 

This time it was Hidan’s turn to snort, imagining how much trouble Deidara went through to get him in that thing. 

“Really, un, you should go in there and make it up to Danna.” 

“Fine- but only if Tobi tells us something about who he likes.” Hidan pointedly glared at Deidara, trying to remind him why they were all here in the first place. 

“Deal.” 

“Bu-“ 

“Tobi-“ Deidara gave him a look, trying to remind _him_ why _they_ were there. 

“Okies- but only one thing!” 

“Fine.” Hidan said before he got up and walked to the bathroom, nearly running into Sasori as he tried to leave. 

“We need to talk-“ Was all he explained to the shorter male before pulling him back into the bathroom. 

“And this talk has to be in the bathroom why?” 

“Because Tobi and Deidara are fucking idiots who think if I apologize to you alone in the bathroom then something will happen-“ 

“Apologize?” Sasori prompted, taking note of the ‘something’ but simply marking it down as another hint that Deidara may know. Although, he wasn’t quite sure why Tobi would be in on it. 

“Huh- oh, yeah, right- Sorry for making a spit ball out of bread and pissing you off with it.” 

“That’s what you came to apologize for?” 

“Yeah, I-“ 

“Hidan.” 

“Yeah-?” 

“I’m not mad. I didn’t want us to get thrown out because of a food fight and then I came to wash my hands.” 

“…oh- so we’re good?” 

“We’ll be even better once you let us leave the bathroom. I’m sure Deidara and Tobi are waiting for us.” _and I can’t stand making others wait._

“Yeah, maybe the food’s there-“ 

“Even more reason to go.” 

“Yeah, lets go.” 

“Hidan.” 

“Sasori-“ 

“You’re blocking the doorway. You have to go first.” 

“Fuck- I mean- I knew that-“ He reopened the bathroom door and headed back to the table, fully aware that Sasori was at his heels. If he wasn’t Hidan would have turned around again.  


  
  


Deidara watched Hidan leave for the bathroom, waiting until he was all the way in before he turned back to Tobi – not wanting to risk the silver haired man hearing him. “Good idea, yeah!” He said enthusiastically, surprised that he was even saying that out loud to Tobi of all people. 

“…Tobi had an idea?” He asked as if he hadn’t just been the one who gave Hidan reason to leave to the bathroom. It had been a good idea but now he had to figure out what he would say about his crush- Needless to say he was more than a little preoccupied at the moment. 

“Did you seriously forget-?” He wasn’t all that surprised considering who he was talking to but he figured it wouldn’t hurt to try and refresh his memory. Wouldn’t be much to do until Hidan and Sasori got back anyways. “You’re the one who had the idea of sending Hidan to the bathroom with Sasori-!” 

“Oh- Tobi remembers! Thankies senpai.” 

“Whatever.” Deidara wasn’t really saying anything to get Tobi’s thanks so he left it at that. 

At least, he did until a few minutes went by without much noise. Every so often he would hear Tobi eat more of the breadsticks but he didn’t say anything. That was weird but not unwelcome. Too bad for Deidara, he was bored so he was going to ruin the silence despite enjoying it. 

“What’s up with you, un?” 

“What does senpai mean-?” 

“You’re being weird.” 

“Tobi is still Tobi!” He nodded, accentuating his point. 

“But you’re quieter than usual, yeah. What are you doing?” 

“Nothing-“ 

“You don’t just do nothing.” 

“Tobi is thinking-“ 

“About?” 

“Nothing-“ 

“Tobi what are you- it’s your crush isn’t it? Are you thinking about kissing your crush, un~?” 

“N-no! Tobi is trying to figure out what to tell Hidan-san about his crush-!” 

“So you admit you have one-!” 

“Tob- who does senpai like!?” 

“No one, its not very artistic.” 

“Tobi is confused-“ 

“The point of a relationship is to find someone you want to be with for the rest of your life then be with them, yeah? That’s not very fleeting, the opposite even. Yes, life is fleeting but that’s in the bigger scheme of things. If you get something that lasts as long as your life it’s not fleeting as far as your concerned. You remember our talk about perspectives, un?” 

“Yes-“ 

“It’s like that. Like how an explosion looks different from above or below, close or far. A relationship – pursued for the purpose of a real relationship – can only be fleeting to someone who lives for ever but then, what’s the point when life isn’t fleeting?” 

“Ohhh, Tobi gets it! Senpai would only date someone if he knew they would die young!” That certainly didn’t hit a sore spot- 

“Wha- no! Did you even listen to anything I just said!?” 

“Tobi listened! Tobi listened because he’s a good boy!” 

Deidara sighed, not wanting to be alone with the annoying child for much longer. He really should have thought this plan through. Luckily for him the other two were on their way back so he wasn’t going to have to deal with it for much longer.


	6. Chapter 6

“Hey, did you fuckers miss me?” Hidan said as he approached the table, sitting down without really waiting for an answer. 

“You weren’t gone long enough, yeah.” Deidara sighed, acting as if he wished Hidan took longer despite actually being excited to continue with his meddling. Although, if they had taken longer because they were kissing Deidara wouldn’t have minded at all- 

“Hidan-saaaaan-!” Tobi half berated, half whined. “You didn’t fix your potty mouth!” 

“Like I give a damn-“ 

"Hidan.” 

“What- I’m allowed to fucking cuss, Sasori. It’s not like their gonna kick me out for cussing with my-“ He paused, looking at Tobi with a mix of disgust and resignation on his face. “friends.“ 

He really didn’t want to include Tobi as a part of that but he figured if he excluded Tobi or called him anything but then the child would whine and create a scene and then they would get kicked out. 

Hidan was certain that Sasori didn’t want that to happen considering how he quickly stopped the food fight that almost began. Sure, he had said that Sasori wasn’t going to be able to tame him – he wasn’t his dad regardless of any daddy jokes Deidara wanted to make – but that didn’t mean that Hidan had to make things harder on him- 

"Hidan can’t be fixed, un.” Deidara half whispered to Tobi, clearly saying it loud enough for him to here. 

“Ohhhh-“ Tobi nodded, accepting what Deidara said with no questions before he looked over at Hidan. “Tobi is sorry for you loss, Hidan-san.” 

“Fuck both of you.” Hidan said but there was more amusement in his voice than there usually would have been. He probably would have been more angry but Tobi just apologized for his loss, how could he not be amused at something as stupid as that? 

“Yeah, yeah, we love you too, Hidan. Don’t we, Danna?” Deidara said, winking at Sasori to both his and Hidan’s horror. 

Rather than reply to Deidara, Sasori looked over his head and merely said. “There’s our food.” 

Hidan didn’t say anything – couldn’t since Sasori was right there – but he still leaned forward some and kicked Deidara’s shin hard enough to get the message across. ‘Don’t fucking ruin things. I said to not meddle.’ 

“OW-“ Deidara looked over at Hidan only to be met with a pointed look. Luckily the blonde understood the glance and looked at Tobi instead. “What the hell, Tobi!? That was my leg-!” 

“Tobi didn’t do anyth-“ 

“That reminds me, un! You have to tell us about your crush!” 

Just then, the food finally finished its trip to their table, providing Tobi with the perfect distraction. “Tobi is hungry!” He declared, grabbing for one of his chicken nuggets. 

“Me too- wait-! You’re not gonna fucking distract us. You still gotta tell us about your crush-!” Hidan declared as he all but yanked the nugget out of Tobi’s hand. 

“Bu-“ 

“Back me up on this, Sasori-“ 

“You want me to convince him?” 

“Yeah-“ 

“Why?” 

"Uhh- because you’re nicest to him?” 

“I regularly try to poison him. How is that being nice?” 

Tobi looked at his food then back to Sasori with mild alarm. Did he- “Did Sasori-san poi-“ 

"Maybe. You’ll just have to try it and find out, won’t you?” 

“…Tobi isn’t hungry anymore-“ 

Hidan laughed. “Good fucking work!” He unceremoniously dropped the nugget back onto Tobi’s plate. “Now tell us about your crush-“ 

“Okies but let Tobi think-“ 

“You have to think about your crush first, un?” 

"There’s a lot of things about them and Tobi is only saying one. Tobi has to decide which to say.” 

“If you tell them their name then you won’t have to tell them anything else.” Sasori pointed out. He didn’t really care who Tobi had a crush on, trusting that it really wasn’t Hidan. As long as the child stayed out of his way – and didn’t annoy him with his crush – then Sasori didn’t care who Tobi liked. 

“Yeah, just fucking te-“ 

“No. Tobi wants to say what he wants to say.” 

"Go on, un, just ignore them and think about it.” 

Tobi nodded and did just that. 

One of the problems he was having was who to tell them about. It wasn’t like Tobi liked two people, not at all. The problem was that Tobi liked someone and Obito liked – loved – someone. 

He could tell them about the person Obito liked. They wouldn’t know who she was and it would make thing easier as far as any matchmaking may go; she was dead, you couldn’t really get with a dead person unless you harnessed the power of ten tails and a moon but really that’s a different story. 

The problem with doing that was all of the emotional baggage he hid behind the Tobi act. He didn’t want to talk about or even think about sad things and he certainly didn’t want them knowing anything about the past that had led him here, in this restaurant with three people whom he was deceiving, a part of an organization whom he was mostly deceiving. 

On the other hand he could tell them who Tobi liked. That one was easy because it meant he didn’t have to let them see the past he was a part of. They wouldn’t see the pain that was moving him forward even now. 

The hard part was that it was someone they knew. He accepted that Tobi liked him because he was one of the only people who knew the truth behind his mask, and he was the only one who was around consistently. It just made sense for him to like someone with whom he could be himself, but how did he tell the others a fact about him without them figuring out who it was? 

By being extremely vague and wording the truth in a way that no one else would. 

"Tobi’s crush is special because he’s two different colors-!” Tobi declared, hoping that no one would make the real connection. 

“So he’s like mixed?” Deidara asked, slightly confused on when Tobi would have met someone like that. He had been almost certain that it was someone in the akatsuki. 

Tobi nodded, relieved that his words had been taken the way he intended it to. It helped that everyone tended to steer clear of the man and that he was never really at the front of anyone’s mind. 

Except, a glance at Sasori told him, at the front of Sasori’s mind. The redhead was giving him a knowing look and Tobi didn’t like that. He didn’t want anyone to know and if Sasori said someth- 

“It’s not poisoned.” Sasori said, meaning Tobi’s food, of course, but also saying so as a way to show that he wouldn’t tell. He knew now for a fact that it wasn’t Hidan and he didn’t care for meddling like some people did- 

Tobi blinked in surprise, smiling and nodded before he started to quickly shove nuggets under his mask to eat. 

“Hmm, what if we all said something about our crush? It would be fun, yeah? You should start, Hidan-“ Deidara winked at him, not being able to help giving away just what he was doing. 

“Wha- jashin-damnit, Dei-! I told you to not-“ He glanced at Sasori, realizing that if he continued it would be the same as just straight up kissing Sasori: he would know. “Fuck- I gotta-“ He got up and stormed out of the restaurant, too angry to stay there without fucking everything up. 

Sasori blinked at where Hidan had just been, wondering why that set him off so quickly. He had been almost certain that Deidara knew about his feelings and that the suggestion had been a ploy to get him to admit it. But now Hidan was gone and- wait…did Hidan-? But, no, why would he- 

Sasori glanced at the door then at Deidara and Tobi before his gaze flickered back and he stood up. He had to go make sure Hidan was alright even though he had an idea of why the silverhaired man was so upset and despite knowing that he always calmed down eventually.


	7. Chapter 7

Despite being pissed at Deidara and running out of the restaurant, Hidan didn’t stray very far. He was pissed, yes, but he still wasn’t angry enough to run deep into the woods and risk getting lost. 

….except maybe he was- 

He stopped and looked around as he realized he could no longer see the restaurant or the lights coming from it. He hadn’t been walking for that long, has he? It certainly didn’t feel like it. 

Well, fuck, now what was he gonna do? He just wanted to blow off some steam – before he ended up yelling at Deidara and accidentally letting Sasori know about his stupid crush – and now he was lost in some forest. 

“Fuckin’ dammit-“ He muttered to himself before walking in the direction that he thought – hoped – the restaurant was in. It shouldn’t be too hard to find his way back, should it? 

… 

“Hey- where are you going-?” Deidara asked, honestly not surprised that Sasori was going to follow Hidan but wondering what his explanation would be. The blonde was certain Sasori liked Hidan back but if he could get the redhead to say as much it would make things so much easier. 

“Outside.” Sasori stated, planning to just leave it at that. He wanted to go talk to Hidan and he really didn’t want to be stalled by Deidara’s pointless questions. Unfortunately for him, he could tell Deidara wasn’t just going to leave it at that so he impatiently continued. 

“I need to bring Hidan back.” He turned away again, not even waiting to finish his sentence before he was on his way outside. He wasn’t about to be stuck there for a while talking to Deidara when he knew how reckless Hidan could get when he was mad or any other form of upset. 

“Listen to him-! He /needs/ to bring Hidan back, yeah? He’s-“ Deidara paused as he looked over at Tobi, his amused tone turning into one of confusion as he saw that the other was standing up. “Where are you going, hm?” 

Tobi’s movements stalled as he torn his gaze from the door and looked back at Deidara. “Shouldn’t Tobi and senpai help get Hidan-san back?” He tilted his head to the side as he spoke, seeming genuinely confused. It made sense to help, after all that’s what a good boy would do- 

“Nah,” Deidara said waving his arm dismissively. “We should let those two love birds talk it out.” 

“Okies-“ Tobi nodded, sitting back down before he looked back at Deidara. If he wasn’t wearing his mask his confusion would be evident but even so it was somehow clear that Tobi didn’t quite understand. “Hidan-san and Sasori-san are birds-!?” 

“What- no, they’re-“ He sighed, shaking his head. “Never mind, Tobi. Let’s talk about something else, yeah?” 

“Tobi doesn’t understand but okies! What does senpai want to talk to Tobi about!?” 

“How about your crush, hm?” 

“Tobi doesn’t-“ 

“Soo you like a biracial guy? Didn’t think you liked guys but maybe I shouldn’t be surprised that you’re gay.” 

“Tobi’s not-“ 

“I mean, you do act a little gay every-so-often, okay, maybe like, /really/ gay. Maybe I’m more surprised because he’s biracial, yeah? Because we don’t really know anyone that’s- wait- is it Kakuzu? Is he even biracial? Please tell me it’s not Kakuzu-“ 

“It’s not-“ 

“Yeah? Good- I don’t really care what happens to you but I’d hate to see that, yeah? But- then who is it?” 

“Tobi doesn’t want to-“ 

“But Tobi should. Come on, I won’t tell anyone! Just tell me so I can stop being so curious! I won’t do anything bad!” 

“Can senpai ask about something else-?” 

“What’s it gonna take for you to tell me, un? I’ll get you dangos~.” 

“No. Tobi doesn’t want to-“ 

“Not even for dangos?” 

“Not for anything.” Tobi declared, half pouting and half serious. He wasn’t about to let anyone know who his crush was. He had already decided not to act on it, after all. He was doing everything he was doing for /her/ and he wasn’t going to let that go to waste. 

. 

Sasori briskly stepped outside, only stopping once he realized he couldn’t see Hidan. Did he really have to run off like that? Knowing him he would probably get lost and- 

Oh. 

Hidan was probably lost and probably still moving around like the idiot he could be half the time. If Sasori wanted to find him he had to move now and he had to stay alert. 

With that thought he began moving again, looking out for broken twigs or footprints or anything else that could clue him in as to where Hidan disappeared to. He knew the younger man wouldn’t die out there and that he had been on his own for quite a while before he joined the Akatsuki but that did nothing to lessen the worry he felt at Hidan being gone. 

Yes, worry. Sasori was actually worrying. It still gave him pause half the time, the amount of emotions Hidan made him feel, both good and bad – or annoying as pointless worrying could often times be – and yet, he relished it. 

As amazing as it was that he felt things it was even more amazing that Hidan made him /want/ to feel things. He had been stalling the completion of his puppet form, stalling purging himself of all his emotions for good – the pain at his parents death, the anger at his grandmother for deceiving him, the guilt at Komushi’s death, the fear anytime anyone was even one minute late – of all of the things he kept locked away. The things that touched the service only occasionally. 

Hidan made him consider living with those things, if only it meant he also got to feel the way Hidan made him feel. The flutter in his chest when the silver haired male stood up for him, or even looked his way. The way the man’s well, his /everything/ - his body, his dumb humor, his stupidity, his eternal life – made him stop him his tracks, made him want to soak in all that Hidan was. Even the acute sadness he felt at being away from the other for too long. 

All of it Hidan made him feel and all of it made him want to feel. He would take all of the bad just to feel that way. 

But if he couldn’t find Hidan, if the man managed to get so lost they couldn’t find him or managed to somehow actually die then Sasori would not only lose Hidan but he would lose those feelings too and with it the want to feel at all. 

. 

It didn’t take long for Sasori to come to a pause in his search. It was clear that Hidan had paused in this same area earlier – the grass where the Jashinist had stood was still bent, more so than the rest of the grass – this must have been when he realized he was lost. If Hidan had been smart he would have done a 180 and headed back but, judging by the newly broken branch to his right and a few barely visible footprints, it was clear Hidan wasn’t that smart. 

Sasori quickly turned and headed in the new direction, hoping that Hidan had paused for longer than he had. Any extra time would be beneficial to him. Luckily for him, Hidan had been walking slower than him once he realized he was lost so it didn’t take much longer for the redhead to come to an area where the tracks stopped. Hidan had to be around here somewhere. 

Sasori looked all around him and, once he determined that Hidan wasn’t on the ground, he looked up to see the man sitting in a tree with his eyes closed. Was he seriously trying to take a nap? 

“Hidan.” 

“HOLY FUCKIN-“ Hidan jumped, nearly falling off the tree. “You just scared the shit out of me-“ He easily climbed down, coming to stand in front of the shorter male. “What’s up?” 

“…what’s up?” 

“Yeah- you know, whatcha doing? What’s up?” 

“I know what it means.” 

“Then what are you talking about?” 

“I came out here to find you and you’re sitting in a tree and asking what’s up? What were you even doing? Enjoying being lost?” 

“Hey-! I couldn’t find my fucking way back so I decided to wait until one of you guys found me! Wait- I like just fucking got up there. How the hell did you find me so fast?” 

“I’ve been looking for you for the past half hour.” 

“Come on, I wasn’t gone that fucking long. It had to of taken you at least twenty minutes to realize I was lost-“ 

“I didn’t start looking for you because you were lost, Hidan.” 

“Huh- then why-?” 

“I was going to talk to you, bring you back to the restaurant so we could finish our meal. Speaking of, Deidara and Tobi are still there. We shouldn’t leave them waiting.” 

“Wait- you fucking came out here because I was upset /then/ you realized I was lost?” 

“Yes.” 

“Holy-“ Hidan, without thinking much about it, hugged the other male. However, he pulled away before Sasori could respond. 

“Shit I’m sorry- I didn’t- I know you don’t fucking like people in your personal space it’s just I love ya, man an-“ 

“I wasn’t complaining-“ Sasori said at the same time as the last part slipped out of Hidan’s mouth. 

“Wai-“ He didn’t mean to- oh fuck- “…what-“ Sasori didn’t care that he had hugged him-?? 

“What did you just say?” Sasori asked, heart almost stopping at hearing those words come out of his crush’s mouth. Hidan- Did he really-? 

“Uh- I- like a friend-? Yeah, we’re friends right? Friend’s tell friend’s they love each other all the time- that’s what that was-“ Funny, apparently if he was nervous enough his cuss words would just vanish from his vocabulary. That was probably the most he’s spoken without cussing in years- 

Sasori nodded, a part of him not believing Hidan had meant it platonically but he was sure if that was his emotions or his logic speaking to him. “Yeah, they do.” 

Hidan smiled widely. “See? I can say it all I want- I fucking love you-“ It was both terrifying and amazing to say it out loud, even if he was saying it under the guise of being platonic. 

Sasori couldn’t help but to smile at that, even knowing how Hidan was meaning it. He shook his head at the other’s antics, muttering ‘You’re gonna be the death of me’ under his breath as they started to head back. 


	8. Chapter 8

It didn’t take them too long to get back to the restaurant with Sasori leading them, at least it seemed to take a lot less time than getting there took. Despite this, by the time they got back, Tobi and Deidara were nowhere to be found. They were only gone, what, about an hour? Did they really ditch them that easily!? 

_About twenty minutes after Sasori had left Deidara looked at Tobi with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “We should leave.” He wasn’t getting anywhere with Tobi’s love life right now anyways so he figured it was time to switch focus again._

_“But Senpai- They aren’t back yet!” Tobi protested._

_“Exactly! When they get back we’ll be gone and they’ll still be hungry! Meaning they’ll probably eat together, yeah!”_

_“We could all eat together-“_

_“They need to eat together alone, Tobi.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because-“ Deidara sighed. “Because it’s a part of the secret mission, yeah?”_

_“Ohhhh- okies senpai! Let’s hurry up before they get back!!”_

“I can’t believe they would just fucking ditch us like that for no reason! We weren’t even fucking gone that long and they just decided they would leave without us!? Seriously!?”

“There was no reason for them to wait for us.”

“Huh- oh yeah, you have that fucking ‘no waiting’ thing- but still- it’s not a bad fucking thing for a friend to wait for a friend – not that Tobi’s my fucking friend but Dei-“ He paused, it finally clicking. “Oh Jashin damn it. I’m going to kill that fucking blonde asshole-“ 

“They likely finished eating before they left.”

“Wha- of course they did but why the hell does that even matter??” 

“We still need to eat and we are already here.”

“Huh-“ Was Sasori asking him out on a- but no- he was just making use of the situation, right? No point in not eating when they were already here, right?

“There’s no reason to kill Deidara on an empty stomach. We might as well eat before you try to kill him.” 

“Yeah- I guess you’re right. I never did get to eat my fucking ribs.”

“Then it’s settled.” Sasori stated, perhaps unnecessarily so as he was the one that followed Hidan to a table. Sasori was aware that Deidara had probably done this on purpose. He wasn’t certain if Deidara knew of his crush or if Deidara knew that Hidan liked him – if he even did but the more Hidan reacted angrily to the blonde’s meddling the more likely it seemed – but he wasn’t going to let that stop him from taking advantage of it. 

This was more of a date than their earlier notdate and both of them were acutely aware of that but neither were willing to state the fact out loud.

Hidan was terrified that if he classified it as a date Sasori would know and that he wouldn’t return the feelings. It didn’t help that he wasn’t very observant and that Sasori wasn’t close to many other people. To him, that made it harder to compare the way he acted with others rather than proving that the redhead liked him just due to the fact that he sometimes went as far as to seek him out when he wanted to spend time with him.

For Sasori it was the opposite. He was extremely observant and was suspecting that Hidan felt the same way if not something similar. He simply wasn’t the kind of person that spoke about his feelings very easily – and with how openly ‘not gay’ Hidan was he didn’t want to risk scaring the other off with his feelings. So, despite how much he hated the notion, he was going to bide his time and wait.

“You know,” Hidan said shortly after their food had arrived. “This is actually a lot better than it would have been with those two idiots.”

Sasori nodded. “Despite being with you it’s a lot more peaceful.”

“Yea- hey! I can fucking be peaceful!”

Sasori rose an eyebrow, giving the other a doubtful look.

“I said I could be peaceful- not that I fucking was-“

“And you certainly are not.”

“Yeah, but you fucking love that about me~”

“Strange as it is.”

“I mean- wait- what?” 

“We are friends, despite how unpeaceful you are even when I want silence. It’s strange but it’s the truth.” Sasori explained, not discrediting or even commenting on the loving it thing. It was irrational but he loved all of Hidan, he just couldn’t say that yet.

“Yeah-“ Hidan smiled. “Yeah, we’re friends even if we want different things sometimes. It’s a fucking refresher being friend’s with you actually, even with the differences. You’re a lot funnier to hang out with than Dei is, that’s for sure.”

“That’s because he’s a brat.”

“Yeah? And what does that make me?” Hidan leaned forward some, placing his elbows on the table to get closer to the other. He was really interested in what the other would say for more reasons than one.

“…You’re Hidan.”

“What? But that’s just my name-“

“There’s no one word that can accurately describe you, Hidan. You’re name is the closest I can get to an accurate moniker.” The next closest would be crush or hopefully boyfriend in the future but Sasori couldn’t just say either of those. 

“Moniker?”

“Name.”

“Why not just fucking say name-?” Hidan asked, confused as to why anyone would want to make things more difficult by having multiple different ways to say something. As he asked he repositioned his elbows, having rested his face in on of his hands and causing them to slip. When he did so he accidently landed his elbow on the little plate to the side he had almost forgotten about – the corn that came with his meal that he refused to eat. 

He somehow managed to hit the plate just in the right place to fling the corn directly at his face. “What the fuck-!?” He yelled, quickly getting up and letting the corn drop to the floor. “Fucking bullshit ass vegetable- I’m not fucking eating you!”

“The corn didn’t do anything. You hit the plate.” Sasori pointed out as he stood up. 

“Yeah but still- stupid fucking vegetable-“

“Lean down for a moment.”

“What?” Hidan blinked, confused at the sudden change of topic. Did Sasori want to kis- 

“There’s corn in your hair.” The puppeteer explained, making an impatient gesture with his hand. Hidan leaned down, bending his head in Sasori’s direction without thinking. He had corn in his hair and he needed it out. It made sense. That is, until he felt the other’s hands in his hair. 

It felt nice, having Sasori’s hands in his hair like that, like it was right. But, well, let’s just say there’s a reason he kept his hair slicked back like that – harder to touch – and if Sasori didn’t sto-

Oh. 

Too late for that. 

Hidan quickly pulled back, face flushed a deep red at the sound that had come out of his mouth. He hadn’t meant to- it just felt so nice and it was Sasori and- fuck- Sasori-

The redhead was standing there, hands still in mid-air where Hidan’s head had been a moment before. The corn was already out of Hidan’s hair but it was so soft – and Hidan seemed so content – that Sasori had kept playing with it. But then he had just- Hidan had moaned, in the middle of the restaurant, because of him and he couldn’t think straight – not just because he was gay either – he could barely move. 

Sasori was certain his face was as red as his hair if not redder and he couldn’t figure out what to say. What did you say when you accidentally made your ‘friend’ moan, when he seemed just as surprised and embarrassed as you were-

“Fuck- uh- I gotta go-“ Hidan managed to get out before he rushed out of the restaurant, in a mirror of the way he had left last time except for different reasons and they had actually gotten to eat this time.

Hidan’s movement was enough to get Sasori moving and he followed, quicker than he was last time thanks to the lack of annoying blondes. By the time he exited the building Hidan was just to the left of the doorway, standing leaning against the wall with his eyes closed. Sasori regarded him quietly, still uncertain of what he should say. He now knew just how sensitive the other’s hair was. Oh, now that he thought about it that did make sense- “Is that why you always have it slicked back like that?” 

Hidan nodded, not surprised that Sasori had followed him after what happened earlier. “Yeah-“ He opened his eyes, forcing himself to look at the smaller male despite how embarrassed he still was. “Sorry-“

“I’m the one that should apologize.”

“You didn’t do anything-“

“I was...playing with your hair- it’s soft.”

Hidan chuckled, looking up at a strand of his hair that had fallen in his face after Sasori had tussled it. “Yeah, the gel has some conditioning shit in it or something-“

“Or something?”

“I don’t fucking know what it is-“

“I doubt that.”

“Okay- maybe I do- so fucking what? I like to do my hair and make it feel soft. It’s nice.”

Sasori nodded, pleased that Hidan had admitted as much. He really didn’t need the other to since he already knew it but it was still nice. “We should get back to the base. Didn’t you have a blonde to kill?”p > “Yeah-“ Hidan started to head back, muttering ‘or thank’ under his breath. Despite his anger at the blonde he had to admit that he enjoyed the time he got to spend with Sasori – even with the embarrassing parts – and he was thankful for it, as long as Dei actually stopped his meddling this time-


	9. Chapter 9

“Oi, fuck face!” Hidan called out as he barged into Deidara’s room, not even bothering to knock. 

He wasn’t exactly still angry, at least not as much as he had been since it somehow brought him and Sasori closer but he was still going to yell at the blonde. After all, he had told Deidara to stop meddling and he told Sasori that he was going to. In fact, the red head had hung back and went to the living room or something just so he wouldn’t get caught between the two of them. 

“Hey, Hidan.” Deidara replied, not even reacting to the way Hidan had entered the room. It was a normal thing for the other male so by now Deidara was unaffected by it. “How are yo-“ 

“No- shut the fuck up. I told you to not fucking meddle and what did you do? You fucking meddled! What part of ‘Don’t meddle’ did you not fucking understand!?” 

Deidara paused, pursing his lips as if deep in thought. “The don’t part?” He questioned, unable to help the smirk that formed on his lips. He found himself so funny. 

“Fuck you-“ 

“I thought the point was to fuck Sasori, hm?” 

“I- shut the fuck up!” 

“Why are you so mad anyways? Did it really go that bad, un?” 

“Wha- I- that’s not the fucking point!” 

“You want us to stop meddling but it’s working, yeah?” 

“I want you to stop fucking meddling period! I can handle this my damn self!” 

“You can barely handle yourself, Hidan, let alone asking Sasori – he definitely likes you by the way – so we’re not going to stop.” 

“He doesn- wait….us? We’re? Who the hell did you tel-“ He paused, groaning as he realized. “You fucking let Tobi in on your stupid ass meddling!? Seriously!?” 

“Hey-! I didn’t tell him everything and I needed someone to help, yeah? He’s the only one dumb enough to not realize what was going on!” 

“What did you even fucking tell him?” 

“That we’re on a secret mission and he is on a need to know basis-“ 

“Holy Jashin, and he actually went along with it?” 

“Yeah- anyways tell me what happened on your date~” 

“Wait- what exactly does Tobi know?” 

Deidara shrugged. “Not much, he figured out Sasori likes you for me but not much else. Why, hm?” 

“….where is Tobi?” 

“The living room I think? I don’t really know why that’s so important-“ 

“Tobi’s an idiot! He’s gonna fucking say something!” Hidan grabbed Deidara’s wrist and started to pull him toward the living room. “Sasori is in the living room-!” He explained, even though he had no guarantee that the red head was really there he was fairly certain of it. 

. 

“Sasori-san! You’re back!!” Tobi called out happily from the table he was sitting at when the other walked in the room. 

Sasori didn’t bother to reply with much more than a nod as he looked around the room. The only other person in there was Zetsu and, judging by the crayons and paper everywhere but lack of any other mess, it looked like they had been coloring together since Tobi and Deidara got back. He had no idea why Zetsu humored the other man but maybe he liked him back? Not that Sasori cared enough to even ask but it always did strike him as odd, the way Zetsu humored Tobi even Black Zetsu would say some mean things about the other. 

“Sasori-saaaan!” Tobi called out again after a moment of silence, realizing that the red head wasn’t going to reply anytime soon unless he spoke again. “How was your date???” 

“It wasn’t a date.” Sasori replied easily, not even effected by Tobi’s question. These kinds of things were to be expected from the childish male. 

“But Hidan-san and Sasori-san ate dinner together! Alone at a restaurant! That makes it a date!!” Tobi declared. 

“So how did your date with Deidara go?” 

“It wasn’t a date-!” Tobi declared just as loud as his first declaration, if not a bit faster as if panicked. Had his mask been off the glance at Zetsu may have been unnoticed but, as it was Tobi turned his entire head to look at Zetsu. 

To the other man’s credit he seemed completely unaffected by Sasori’s question. Luckily for Tobi, the man knew the truth of why he was here so he knew how unlikely it was for him to have a crush on Deidara. 

“Why not? You two ate dinner alone at a restaurant too. Doesn’t that make it a date?” He really didn’t care if Tobi and Deidara’s meal was considered a date in Tobi’s mind but it seemed like a good thing to talk about in order to change the conversation, even if only a little bit. He didn’t want to talk about his possibly-a-date date with Tobi - or really anyone unless it was Hidan himself and he brought it up. 

Unfortunately for Sasori it wasn’t that easy to deter Tobi. Not when he had a mission. “But Tobi and Senpai don’t like like each other and Sasori-san and Hidan-san do!” 

“I-“ 

Just then Tobi noticed both Deidara and Hidan in the doorway, attempting to be sneaking, and decided he needed to ask again. “How was the dinner-!?” He blurted out, not caring if it seemed rushed or out of place since he was Tobi and he often times didn’t make sense as it was. 

“It was….eventful.” Sasori summarized, thinking of the conversations they had… 

“Is eventful good or bad??” 

…and the corn incident… 

“It can be both.” 

“But, Sasori-saaaaan! What was it this time!?” 

….and the hair thing and the conversation that happened after that. 

“….a good one.” He decided to tell Tobi, a small smile on his face. 

“See!?” Deidara blurted out as he playfully nudged Hidan. “Told ya he liked you, yeah!” 

Hidan shoved him back roughly, saying nothing in favor of looking at the puppeteer. 

Sasori’s eyes widened, a light hue of pink spreading onto his cheeks as he tried to quietly leave the room through the other door. 

“Tobi-! Stop him!” Deidara called, deciding that the two of them would have their talk now and finally stop pinning over each other like idiots. 

“Okies!” Tobi replied, staring to go towards Sasori until the red head spoke. 

“Tobi has a crush in you Zetsu.” He said quickly but calmly, using the resulting panic to hurry away. 

“Wha- Sasori-san! Tobi can explain-! Zetsu-san- Tobi- uh-“ 

“Fuck-“ Hidan muttered as Sasori rushed out of the room. “Look what you fucking did you asshole!” He yelled at Deidara, about to lunge at him before he was interrupted. 

“Go after him, dumbass!” 

Hidan paused before nodding and rushing after Sasori. He wasn’t really sure what he was going to do or say but he knew he had to do something. Did this mean the red head liked him back-!? 

Sasori hurried into his room, not expecting anyone else to follow him. His thoughts were a mess right now, as they rarely ever was. He had just acted out if pure impulse due to his embarrassment and mortification at having been called out like that in front of Hidan. What was he even going to- 

The door burst open and was shut just as quickly as Hidan entered the room, eyes instantly landing on Sasori. He was far past thinking having thought himself in circle on his way here. Now was the time to act, not think. 

“Hidan, I-“ Sasori started, trying to explain despite not having an explanation available. Before he could even think of what to say, however, he felt a pair of lips on his and realized, with a start, that Hidan was kissing him. 

He made a small surprised noise but automatically leaned into the kiss, eyes fluttering closed as he enjoyed the very thing he had wanted for so long. It was even better than either of them had imagined. “Me too, Sasori.” Hidan whispered as he pulled away, forehead still resting on Sasori’s forehead and breaths still mingling. “I like like you too.” He grinned, finding how he used Tobi’s words to be funny – seriously was he in elementary school? Who says like like nowadays? 

Sasori laughed lightly before leaning forwards and connecting their lips again, both relishing in the feeling and silently saying that he was more than okay with their development in their relationship – though he was going to make it very clear to the other that if they were going to do this then it had to be just them. He couldn’t do this if he couldn’t trust Hidan. 

Luckily Hidan seemed to only care about Sasori so he was sure everything would work out just fine. Hidan’s only thought before he fell into the kiss completely was that maybe he should thank Deidara now that things had ended up the way they did.


End file.
